my body is red as hell and i have a playboy bunny tanned thing on my left breast cos i am too legit to quit.

we went out for brunch with martin after a right piss-up last nite and while we were out cid jumped on one of the glass shelves in the bathroom and it totally smashed everywhere and chipped the bathtub and we walked into the condo to glass fucking everywhere OH CID!

i thought corpse bride was fucking meh but i totally have a thing for the bride and every other big-titted female in that film i don't care if they are made out of rubbery clay and are 13" tall shut up and go away.



i am waiting for my nails to dry and i plan to wear my stupid pregnant little red dress tonite to m+l's stag/doe but i am having difficulties deciding whether to wear socks or tights or fishnets or boots and running shoes UNGH!

here is my dilemma

1. i can't wear fishnets and stilettos cos somehow my stilettos are too small now and when i wear them it's like i am walking with my toes all smashed up underneath my feet and by the end of the nite i will want to kill myself and will walk home barefoot 100 per cent

2. i can't wear my long white looks like laced up victorian boots socks cos my legs are red as hell and i can't wear them over black tights cos that would look stupid and i can't wear them over fishnets cos that would look too busy.

OH WAIT NEVERMIND I REMEMBER I HAVE BEIGE TIGHTS YES!



anyway i couldn't do the fishnets and granny style heels thing cos i would have to wear little anklet socks cos those shoes are slightly too big for me and i can't do that because melissa rocks the little socks and heels look and i am going to HER stag and doe like what am i going to do HI THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME TO YOUR CELEBRATION OF MARRIAGE IN TRIBUTE TO YOU I AM DRESSED LIKE YOU.

i will probably regret wearing my red dress too since i have a really bad sweating problem that i cannot control.

i bought the raddest shower curtain and i was going to look on the packaging to see if it had a website link so i could put a picture of it on my blog but fil came home and emptied all of cid's turds and piss cakes from the litter box into the garbage before i got a chance to fish it out and said WELL NOW YOU'VE LEARNED A LITTLE LESSON IN PROCRASTINATION SHUT UP FIL!

i rented the corpse bride. i am going to watch it in a minute. everyone who said bad things about aeon/flux is a STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE!

i met elizabeth at green room and almost lost my fucking mind watching her eat pad thai waiting for my glass noodles and then almost crapped my pants on the way home the end.



oh yeah i went for a tan and the lady was like you are too white to have the super bed for ten minutes and i was like no i'm not but then after 6 minutes i was burning and now my ass and arms are red and i wouldn't allow my pride to turn off the bed cos then the lady would know that she was right so i stayed in the whole time and was thinking of that part in final destination 3 where the girls burn to death in the tanning beds and set on fire.

i think i smell like burning.

nate says:

guess what i just got

raymi says:

what

raymi says:

aids?

nate says:

herpies

raymi says:

REALLY!?

nate says:

yea, its weird cause its on my feet

raymi says:

EW

raymi says:

how did you get herpies on your feet

raymi says:

vagina patch?

nate says:

im not sure how it really happened

nate says:

i toed a girl with herpies

nate says:

but i didnt think i could get it on my feet

raymi says:

are you lying

nate says:

yes

raymi says:

oh

raymi says:

so what did you really get

raymi says:

ps lying to me is not cool because you are 15 years old

raymi says:

it makes me want to punch you

nate says:

give it your best shot

nate says:

so i cant lie to you cause of my apparent age?

raymi says:

yes

raymi says:

dont you have anything interesting to tell me

nate says:

well fuck raymi wanted a conversation starter other than "hey whats up"

nate says:

what a foot herpies story wasnt good enough for you?

raymi says:

dont WELL FUCK me

raymi says:

ten year old!

raymi says:

well u could have made it more believable even though i believed it

raymi says:

im sorry i am mean to you all of the time

nate says:

well i deserve it from someone im sure, might as well get it from you

raymi says:

true

nate says:

at least you apolize for being mean, which is actually really nice of you

raymi says:

thanks

raymi says:

are you trying to look emo in your pictures

nate says:

i dont even know what 'emo' means

raymi says:

emotional

raymi says:

wow you are young

nate says:

i was on vacation when they made that one up

nate says:

everyone is emotional

raymi says:

dude that term is old

raymi says:

but i guess you were like 12 when it was invented ie playing gi joes

nate says:

iv never gi joed

raymi says:

thats right cos you werent alive when gi joes were cool

raymi says:

i feel like i am talking to a toddler

raymi says:

can i go to jail for talking to you

raymi says:

are you a virgin

nate says:

im four years younger than you!

nate says:

no

raymi says:

hey do you want me to talk you up like you are super duper cool so you can get laid?

nate says:

yes

nate says:

good luck with that one

raymi says:

dude four years younger than me is like ten since yer a guy and u dont even know what emo is

raymi says:

yeh no kidding you couldnt get laid if you got off a plane in hawaii

raymi says:

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

raymi says:

are you crying yet?

travelling menagerie

cid hit me on the head/face last nite with both paws and it startled me so my glass of red wine toppled over and totally splashed all over the white walls and floor and side dresser FUCKING CID! so i fantastik'd at 2am. WICKED!

we watched aeon/flux and now i want to do a million backflips and fly in the air wearing a black one piece body suit and communicate with people using my brain wait, i mean, ungh. just watch the movie.

fun!

here's something i wrote today and will not finish. i've decided i'm just going to write a book based on me and fil.


PENNY


My name is Penny and I am eleven years old. I can show you with two fingers how old I am but sometimes that can be a problem because you might mistake eleven for two and I am clearly not two years old. I do not have a brother or a sister because my parents are in the middle of having a divorce. My dad bought one of those tiny fast cars a month ago and my mom goes out a lot and buys me a lot of presents because she loves me so much that's what she says anyway. My mom wears a tiny pearl necklace and she has blond hair and it rests at her shoulders and she plays tennis and she works for a man downtown working on a computer and organizing his business. My dad is in sales I think or advertising.

One time my daddy got drunk at a barbeque we had for my mom's sister and he took me half-aside and said, "Penny, don't turn out like those women if you can help it."

Ok, I thought.

We have a house in a part of Toronto that is considered to be affluent, I looked that word up on dictionary.com and it means generously supplied with money, property, or possessions; prosperous or rich. I know how to use the internet very well, my dad said that when he was my age there was no such thing as the internet which is hard to imagine. Lucky, he said, your generation is very LUCKY.

I go to a Private school and I don't mind it although it is like every girl and boy there has the same thing going on in their family so me being sad or complaining about it is like saying I have a headache, there is just no point, because everyone has a headache.

There is a public school across the street from my school and I find myself staring out the window at the girls in regular clothes like I have a staring problem.

I have a friend who goes to the public school her name is Diana and she use to go to my school but she has a way of getting her way so her parents let her switch. She is the only one I know who's parents are happy together and live in my affluent neighborhood. I go to her house a lot. I love hearing about her school. I think she is the most popular girl there.

new design

took me like, 2 minutes dude!

get better soon aimeeleminx we love you and think about you constantly! xo

yes i am more or less sticking to the one meal a day plan and yesterday's meal was half a thing of nachos and then half of a pita when fil got home so it's kind of like sneaky fooling yourself cheating whatever i plan to starve myself today and tomorrow cos we're going to melissa et luke's stag&doe on saturday in-where she told me to dress SLEAZY and i bought two mini slutty stretchy cotton whatever skirts that i said that i would never ever buy ever cos every paris hilton wannabe rocks them BUT they are different sort of, with a puffy hoop ballerina-effect instead of STD cheerleader so i win.



me rockin' out to franz

most fun video yet!

MAKE YOUR OWN VAGINA!

i told tim we should go on an eating tour today like eat at several different restaurants, it seemed to be a good idea before we ate an entire order of nachos in less than three minutes. the waitress comes over during the first 40 seconds to see if we're alright or need anything else and we were so immersed in eating it was like FUCK OFF! then i took a massive crap in the bathroom. amazing.

if people are getting sad that i don't respond to their comment it's cos i read them in haloscan before moderating so i forget to comment but i do read all of them.

remember you can only vote ONCE A DAY!

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children are yelling in the park and i hate it! now that it's warmer they scream louder and the snow isn't there to absorb any of it i have to wait until they all leave before i can open windows. i am a prisoner. the little outfits they wear are really cute though. there's this one kid who yells things like I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF I'M FAAAALLING BURN IN HELL BURN IN HELL BURN IN HELL!!! he's awesome. maybe he's a prophet, anyway.

blogging today seems trivial, something bad happened. see ya.

*ok turns out it's not that bad but it's not amazingly spectacular either though blogging still seems trivial.

dear friends

this is what cid does to earn all of those time-outs and don't go retarded it's not like i am locking him in a box or something.

when i walk across the room more than once he declares that this is "too much" and then snorts at me like a bull and lunges with his arms out to swipe at my legs and then bites my legs.

if he sees me walking around NOT FEEDING HIM or sitting at my computer also NOT FEEDING HIM then he jumps onto the table then onto the microwave then onto MY knick-knack shelf, not fil's shrine to fil, not anywhere else, he specifically messes with MY SHIT and then when i get up to get him away he'll jump off immediately. then he'll jump up again ten minutes later and knock all my shit off and mess up everything and then i go over and he jumps down again. half an hour later he'll do it again and then i'll get him down and hug him then walk him to the bedroom and then he goes mental on me and tries to bite my face and swats at me and so i put him by the window and open it and then he races me out the door so i have to pick him up again and he knows this so he does another death dance face swipe bull snort until i can usher him in there without facial wounds.

this happens maybe ten times a day because he feels he is not receiving enough attention.

he'll stretch out for you to rub his stomache all cute and then you do it and then he goes RAAAH RAAAAWH KILL KILL KILLLL DESTROY.

he totally has mental problems.

anyway.

and he HAS bit my face and head before and nearly got my eye and he's made me bleed and he also bit my thigh and i have a scar.

i forgot wearing headbands and headband culture in general was intensely fucking hardcore! if one hair is sticking out somewhere you have to redo, start over, it's a failure of a headband-mount, total. fucking. failure.

i just spent 15 minutes trying to get it right and i look like a pinheaded drunken cheerleader with humongous eyes and a staring problem.

and in half an hour i will have a headache.

YAY GO HEADBAND GO!

i have a new friend and it is a little bird that comes onto the balcony when i have cid in a time-out in the bedroom and he comes to the glass and pecks on it with his little bird beak maybe i will let him fly into the condo? no? i am going to buy birdseed except THE BEST birdseed and then we will have a birdseed party and cid will jump through the screen and ruin all of my bird friendships.

In-flight Safety




clip 1 of turn off




clip 2 turn off

get ready to cry like a little bitch.

fil made this fantastic jamaican jerk chicken beans and rice dish last nite it was amazing. i walked to the video store and rented two pieces of shit, the fuccons and the fog and while i heard the fuccons would be good the goodness just couldn't make it past all that annoyingness and the fog was total garbage and every step i took to and from the video store sent a jolt of pain up into my sick brain.

if you haven't heard of the fuccons it's this series about white people but made by the japanese and i couldn't tell if it was meant to be insulting or like a celebration of whiteness cos i could only tolerate 8 minutes which is like two episodes. i rented volume two cos vol.1 is never in. anyway still get it just to see for yourself. the twin british boys will make you want to kill people. i'm going to try watching the rest later to see if it is still 100% irritating.



it's the type of crap that noel would have playing when i drop by and hit the bong and then spend 60 minutes being completely confused and on edge hi noel!

ain't no party like a buzznet party

especially when only two people are invited word!



me drunky singy songy!

i am thinking in my head that i am the best singer in the world whilst doing this too. fucking blast it dudes!



holy shit my karaoke competition

cougar sings melissa dykeridge.

this is what my cute dress looks like there are more details to it but i didn't bother adding them like how the bottom half of the dress has pleats and they billow out like a pregnant woman's tummy i guess so i can make my stomache get huge and totally not give a care.

i am a crazy. i put on my craziest outfit which is my big tent dress and leg warmers and sandals and garbage lady cardigan and red tanktop and went around yorkville with elizabeth who was also dressed crazy and we went to h&m and i bought two dresses

one is so super cute you will die when you see me wearing it and want to hug the crap out of me touch my tits and pull my hair

the other one will make you want me to babysit your children because it is practical and may as well have kid vomit all over it

i feel totally sick and lucid from all the medicine i have been consuming



we walked around talking like total cunt yuppies and now i can't stop talking like that to myself in my head LIKE OH MY GOD I AM WAY INTO VINTAGE CLOTHES RIGHT NOW and so on.

i changed my mind about hanging with all those little fucker kids in the park the sound of their voices sends lightning bolts into my head.

goodBYE.

ps remind me to tell you about the fashion groupies at h&m i am too insane right now to think about it.

elizabeth says:

what are you doing

raymi says:

durno

raymi says:

collecting snot in my throat and then re-swallowing it

raymi says:

i have a lot of snot in my throat and on my brain it feels